Here’s some vocal feedback for the first 30 seconds. In the RBN days I’d say something like:

This needs another pass on syllable placement. Make sure you’re not including hard consonants like “f” and “s” at the start/end of syllables.

M3.2.37 I – shorten 2/64

M3.3.43 slide should start 3/64 later

M3.4.44 up – shorten 3/64

M4.1.13 cash- shorten 2/64

M5.2.62 I – shorten 2/64

M8.1.11 lips – shorten 2/64

M8.2.25 build – longer 2/64

M8.3.56 cast- shorten 3/64

M9.2.12 nights – shorten 2/64

M9.3.06 wish – shorten 3/64

M9.4.06 just – shorten 3/64

M10.4.43 I – shorten 3/64

M12.2.87 ghost – shorten 4/64